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So You’ve Discovered A Secret Magical Society With Wizards And Monsters And Shit

So You’ve Discovered A Secret Magical Society With Wizards And Monsters And Shit

 

Some questions to ask a few people who seem trustworthy, with followups

 

  • Do you people believe in a god or gods?
    • Is this theological belief, where we must have faith, or are these provably real creatures who might smite me?
      • If real:
        • Please rate their approximate power on a scale of Small Gods to Paradise Lost
        • How does one stay on their good side, assuming they have one?
        • Are any of them pure evil?
          • How sure are we about that?
  • So magic is real. Can I do magic?
    • Is anything horrible going to happen to me if I do?
    • Are the following subtypes of magic possible?
      • Explosions
      • Flying
      • Telekinesis
      • Telepathy
        • Are there rules about telepathy?
          • If not, why not?
      • Invisibility
        • How do I keep invisible people out?
      • Talking With Animals
        • Ethical implications of talking animals?
      • Teleportation
        • Please describe possible disasters
      • Time Travel
        • Please describe the rules, with diagrams
      • Shapechanging
        • How do I know you’re not the Dark Lord?
      • Mind Control
        • How do I know you’re not under the control of the Dark Lord?
      • Love spells/potions
        • Are those legal in this jurisdiction?
          • Are there less creepy jurisdictions?
    • Is magical power hereditary?
      • Doesn’t that have disturbing implications for society?
  • Are prophecies for real?
    • Please provide detailed examples of prophecies that turned out to be true.
    • Who makes these prophecies?
      • Can we use them to play the stock market or bet on sporting events?
    • Are prophets required to be super-cryptic?
      • Can we crowd-source prophetic interpretation to Reddit?
  • Are the following mythological entities or creatures real?
    • Santa Claus
    • Tooth Fairy
      • What does she do with the teeth?
    • Dragons
      • Can I ride one?
    • Centaurs
      • Ditto
        • Not in a sexy way?
          • Maybe in a sexy way.
            • Clarification on human/monster sex in general.
    • Elves
      • Multiple kinds?
        • How do I tell them apart?
      • Special rules they must obey?
      • Subtypes:
        • Giggling, whimsical faires
        • Stern, wise wood-guardians
        • Immortal, amoral schemers
    • Dwarves
      • Subtypes:
        • Drunken, Scottish hooligans
        • Wise makers of powerful objects
          • Take commissions?
    • Hobbits/Gnomes/Halflings/Kender
      • Safely ignored or dangerous menace?
    • Talking Animals
      • All animals or just special ones?
        • Popularity of vegan diets?
    • Vampires
      • Subtypes:
        • Bestial and evil
        • Urbane but still evil
        • Sexy
          • Not evil?
            • Are we sure?
              • Popular dating services.
            • Should I just become one? It sounds awesome.
      • Weaknesses:
        • Garlic?
        • Holy Water/Symbols?
          • Which religion?
            • Troubling implications.  (See gods.)
        • Stakes through the heart?
          • Works on everyone though
        • Sunlight?
    • Werewolves
      • Subtypes:
        • Murderous beasts
        • Noble and loyal
          • Spread by biting or only hereditary?
            • Just bite me already.
          • Full moon — important or bullshit?
    • Zombies
      • Minor nuisance or apocalyptic threat?
    • Ghosts
      • Actually the spirits of dead people?
        • Does this provably imply there’s an afterlife? (See gods, above.)
  • Muggles
    • Do we call them that?
    • How many people know about magic?
      • How do we keep people from knowing about magic?
        • Why do we keep people from knowing about magic?
          • If magic could cure cancer, etc, aren’t we history’s greatest monsters for hogging it?
    • How effective is magic compared to guns and so forth?
    • Are we:
      • Afraid of them?
      • Vaguely paternalistic toward them?
      • Allowed to have sex with them?
  • Magic Rings (or other magic objects)
    • Possible powers?
      • Important caveats?

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