Crusader Kings Stories

Crusader Kings II is one of my favorite games, a medieval dynasty simulator that lets you play the role of a ruler in the Middle Ages, trying to expand your territory and ensure your families continued power and prosperity. It has a tendency to produce various wacky and charming stories, which I like to record in a humorous fashion. Click to expand, and enjoy my adventures!

(Warning: these are split over multiple pages because they contain a lot of big screenshots.)

In The Promised Land RELOADED, I play as the Ethiopian Jews of Semien in Crusader Kings II, attempting to build the Third Temple, recreate the Kingdom of Israel, and stay out of the clutches of my doctors. 

Part One: In which the Petty Kingdom of Semien becomes part of Abyssinia.

(769 AD – 779 AD)

 

 

 

Part Two: In which I get a visit from Death herself and acquire a few more counties.

(779 AD – 801 AD)

 

 

 

Part Three: In which Semien regains its independence, and I fail to achieve immortality.

(801 AD – 915 AD)

 

 

 

Part Four: In which I expand, fight rebellions, and fall into the hands of doctors.

(915 AD – 940 AD)

 

 

 

Part Five: In which my daughter is the spawn of Satan, and the Arabian Empire collapses and I reap the profits.

(940 AD – 974 AD)

 

 

 

Part Six: In which my borders reach the Mediterranean, I surmount a succession crisis, and face a jihad.

(974 AD – 1017 AD)

 

 

 

Part Seven: In which I survive further jihads and an attack by the Byzantine Empire, take Jerusalem, and go mad.

(1017 AD – 1063 AD)

 

 

 

Part Eight: In which I defeat my first Crusade, build the Third Temple, and create the Empire of Israel.

(1063 AD – 1095 AD)

 

 

 

Part Nine: In which I wage holy war, survive the Black Death, and eat people.

(1095 AD – 1123 AD)

 

 

 

Part Ten: In which the I wage even more holy wars but the Jews fail to take over India.

(1123 AD – 1155 AD)

 

 

 

Part Eleven: In which I survive a difficult regency and unite the Arabian Peninsula.

(1155 AD – 1205 AD)

 

 

 

Part Twelve: In which I fight the Byzantines while the Mongols approach.

(1205 AD – 1236 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Thirteen: In which the Mongols turn out not to be that big of a deal, and I take Constantinople.

(1236 AD – 1286 AD)

 

 

 

Part Fourteen: In which I continue to battle the Byzantines, and my vassals take Norway.

(1286 AD – 1344 AD)

 

 

 

Part Fifteen: In which owning Norway turns out to be kind of a pain.

(1344 AD – 1380 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Sixteen: In which I take Rome, a chunk of India, and the Middle Ages comes to a close.

(1380 AD – 1453 AD)

 

 

 

 


In How Do I Vike, I play as Norse pagans in Crusader Kings II, attempting to unite Scandinavia under my banner and spread the worship of Odin and Thor!

Part One: In which I don’t actually become a Viking.

(769 AD – 783 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Two: In which I deal with succession issues, get conquered by Denmark, and start learning to set things on fire.

(783 AD – 815 AD)

 

 

 

Part Three: In which I free myself from Danish rule, create the Kingdom of Lapland, become a Viking for real, and have an immortal dog who eats people.

(815 AD – 857 AD)

 

 

 

Part Four: In which I pledge myself to dark powers and devour my own children.

(857 AD – 882 AD)

 

 

 

Part Five: In which I reform the Germanic religion and adopt feudalism.

(882 AD – 905 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Six: In which the kingdom threatens to break apart.

(905 AD – 936 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Seven: In which I harass Robin Hood and deal with seniority succession.

(936 AD – 969 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Eight: In which I have another mad queen and inch closer to my dream of empire.

(969 AD – 1006 AD)

 

 

 

Part Nine: In which I establish ultimogeniture succession, create the Empire of Scandinavia, and name my horse chancellor.

(1006 AD – 1042 AD)

 

 

 

Part Ten: In which the invasion of England begins.

(1042 AD – 1083 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Eleven: In which I inherit Austrasia, complete the conquest of England, and survive the Black Death.

(1083 AD – 1122 AD)

 

 

 

Part Twelve: In which I add Scotland to the bag, fight off a Crusade, and sleep with my horse.

(1122 AD – 1162 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Thirteen: In which I complete the conquest of the British Isles and win a Great Holy War for France.

(1162 AD – 1199 AD)

 

 

 

Part Fourteen: In which Germany and more of France fall before the Scandinavian juggernaut.

(1199 AD – 1233 AD)

 

 

 

Part Fifteen: In which I break the power of the Mongols and take Italy.

(1233 AD – 1280 AD)

 

 

 

 

Part Sixteen: In which I declare victory.

(1280 AD – 1307 AD)

 

 

 

 

 

 


In Pax Romana 2: Electric Boogaloo, I being as a humble Byzantine Strategos and attempt to rebuild the Roman Empire and restore its former glory!

Part One: In which I establish a base and encounter some early setbacks. (769 AD – 795 AD)

Part Two: In which we meet the redoubtable Chrysogone Ironsides. (795 AD – 837 AD)

Part Three: In which Chrysogone Ironsides becomes a queen and goes through several husbands. (837 AD – 876 AD)

Part Four: In which I claim the Byzantine throne. (876 AD – 898 AD)

Part Five: In which ruling the Empire proves somewhat harder than expected. (898 AD – 929 AD)

Part Six: In which the career of Methodios begins, and I work on mending the Great Schism. (929 AD – 958 AD)

Part Seven: In which Methodios mends the Great Schism and restores the Roman Empire. (958 AD – 986 AD)

Part Eight: In which Methodios descends into madness and black magic. (986 AD – 1013 AD)

Part Nine: In which I begin the long march to restore the ancient borders of Rome. (1013 AD – 1035 AD)

Part Ten: In which I heed the voice of Jesus and he makes me the greatest general in history. (1035 AD – 1077 AD)

Part Eleven: In which the Empire is pushed to its old borders and beyond! (1077 AD – 1165 AD)